When I was about 7 or 8 I attended a summer camp for children with visual impairments. We were doing a craft one day in small groups, colouring paper feathers with crayons to make Indian headbands. One child in our group was completely blind and would ask about each crayon as he picked it up. ‘What colour is this?’ he would ask. ‘That is purple,’ someone would reply. ‘Oh, he would say, ‘is it a colour of beauty?’ ‘Of course,’ someone would always answer. ‘That’s good,’ he would say as he would begin contentedly colouring by feel, ‘I want it to be beautiful.’

I Asked God

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, ‘No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give up. ‘   

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, ‘No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.’

I asked God to grant me patience.  
God said, ‘No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;  it isn’t granted, it is learned.’

I asked God  to give me happiness.
God  said, ‘No. I  give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.’

I asked God to spare me pain.
God  said, ‘No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.’

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, ‘No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.’

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, ‘No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.’

I asked God to help me love others, as much as He loves me.
God  said, ‘Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.’

I had this dream during a very tumultuous time in my life. I was very ill (even moreso than now), and close to death. I was terrified of dying, and yet also wanted it to escape the terrible pain I was in. It was then that I had this dream. I’ve heard that people say that if you die in a dream, you will die in real life. This is utter rubbish. True, one usually wakes up the moment before death, but I can attest that one can die in a dream and awaken perfectly alive. For in this dream, I died.

I was in a spaceship, and the earth was gone. I was the sole survivor of a terrible catastrophe that had destroyed the entire world. There was nothing left. Nothing but myself and this spaceship that drifted aimlessly in the vast emptiness of the universe. There was no colour left, everything was white and black and grey. The spaceship was covered in a grey dust that had once been thriving, green plants. The only thing left of Earth was a book. It had a red cover- the only colour left. I held the book in my hands, and was filled with grief and despair. That book reminded me of what had been, and could be no longer. It reminded me of a world full of people, plants, animals, colour, laughter, and music. That world would never come back. Rather than read it and remember things that were no longer, I tore it to shreds. I went to the ship’s hatch and wrenched it open. Without a helmet or a suit, I floated out into space. It was cold. So bitterly cold. but I welcomed this feeling. For I knew that it meant death, and death was far better than this bitter reality. For a few moments I floated free, and then my consciousness faded, and all went blank. I was in this state for several moments before I awoke. And how wonderful it was! I awoke from a bleak dream to a world of colour, light, laughter, people- so many other people!- animals, plants, music, art and all the joyous things that make up this earth. Even though I was in terrible pain, and close to dying, it no longer seemed to matter, because the world and its happiness was all around me. And then God spoke to me. Not in words, of course, but even so I knew exactly what He was saying. He said, ‘That is what death is like, you know. It is like waking up from a bleak nightmare into a vibrant world full of life. Death should not be sought after, but neither should it be feared.’

Sometimes I still fear death, being in such poor health as I am. I am no longer nearly as close to it as I was when I had the dream. But whenever I am afraid to die, I think of this dream. And I know I have God’s assurance that death will be like waking from a nightmare to a world more wonderful than I can imagine. I still don’t want to die- that is only right. You have only one chance at life, and death is for eternity. So even though things are hard, I keep living, and I try to enjoy it. It’s not always easy, for I am a cynic and a pessimist by nature, and have problems with clinical depression. But I think back to that dream, and how happy I was when I awoke. And suddenly, life doesn’t seem so bad.

God does speak to us, despite what many think. He doesn’t speak to me in words, but in ideas, concepts, and images. He often tells me things through dreams. ‘Well if it’s a dream, what makes you think it was God and not your subconscious?’ you may wonder. And this is not something I can really explain, either. It’s something you feel in your heart and soul. You just innately know it, just as you know how to breathe. For me these dreams are often more vivid than the others. I get a feeling unlike any other, a feeling I cannot describe, other than to say that it is filled with love, acceptance, and an awe that only God can produce.

I have had a total of two of these dreams. Not many, but it makes them all the more special. I shall share the first dream with you today, the next at a later time. The first is very personal and difficult for me to share with strangers, but I also feel that as a Christian, I have a duty to share it so that it may inspire others to grow in their faith.

In this dream, I met Jesus. In took place when Jesus was alive. There was a great crowd of people who had all come to see Him. I was waiting with the other women until it was my turn. When it was, I took out the gift I had brought for Him. It was two loaves of bread. I bowed my head and held them out to Him. He accepted the gift, spreading His hands out toward me. And then I was overcome by a sense of peace and acceptance like I had never felt before in my life. Jesus was very pleased by my gift, and He accepted me. When I awoke I knew exactly what the dream meant. God told me that there would be a time in my life when I would give Him two gifts that would greatly please Him. I don’t know what they are, but I know that it will become clear when the time arrives.

I had this dream shortly before my grandmother passed away. It helped to see me through that difficult time, knowing that without a doubt God loved me. I told a pair of ladies in hospice about this dream. And the first thing one of them asked me was ‘What did He look like?’ And I just sat and stared at her. ‘I have no idea.’ I answered, and I was shocked because the thought had never even crossed my mind. And I knew that the reason I didn’t know was because it was utterly irrelevant.

I am legally blind. I can see well enough to get around, but I still run into things a lot. I can’t recognise faces or see very far. And when you can’t see a face you grow up knowing that a person’s appearance isn’t at all what’s important. I know people by their voices and their actions, not by how pretty or handsome they are. It was the same for when I met Jesus. His appearance was so completely inconsequential that I couldn’t see His face. My appearance didn’t matter to Him, either. What mattered was my gifts, and His love. And that is how life should be. When you see a person don’t think ‘Are they ugly?’ instead think ‘Are they kind?’ Instead of spending hours in the bathroom in the morning making sure you’re picture-perfect, spend hours praying or doing some serious soul-searching. Try your hardest to be as kind, loving, tolerant, and forgiving as you can. Talk to God, because you never know when He’ll talk back. Trust me, it’ll be the most wonderful thing that ever happens to you.